A little lost.

Honestly, this entry is about a month late… but who’s counting? 😅

Since the year started, I’ve been feeling this heavy sinking feeling. You know that thing where you try to pray or study the Word and it just feels… forced? Yeah. That was me. Every time I tried, I just felt like I was pretending. It got so frustrating and sad that I stopped praying altogether. Just gave up.

The last time I even stepped into a physical church was Crossover Night. I tried going after that, I really did. But each time, my chest would just feel heavy. I’d think, “If I can’t even talk to God on my own, what am I going to church to do? Perform?”

Spiritually? I was starving. Like, dry desert type of starving.

Lagos: reset or revival?

I got to Lagos a week before March 9 with no plans to fix anything spiritual. I just wanted peace. I was tired. Lagos, for me, was supposed to be a breather… not a revival ground 😅.

Then randomly, CCI came to mind. I’d heard about it before but never really paid attention. This time, it stayed on my heart. So I texted my sweet friend Kemi, just casually, like “Babe, I think I want to go to CCI this Sunday.”

And without even blinking, she replied, “YES! Please come. I’ll even pick you up.” 🥺 I just sat there reading her message like… wow. No stress, no questions, just love.

In that moment, I knew God was gently pulling me back. Not with thunder or drama. Just… Kemi.

March 9: the morning of

I invited my younger sister, Gracie too—there was no way I was going to leave her behind. But telling my parents? E choke. I’ve been a Winner all my life 😭 so this felt like a huge shift. I kept thinking, “How do I even explain this one?”

But I took a deep breath and just said it.

My dad smiled and said, “Oh that’s lovely. Let me know how it goes.”

Just like that.

And I kid you not, peace settled over me like a warm covering. I could literally feel God whispering, “I’ve gone ahead of you.”

That moment reminded me that sometimes, God doesn’t part the Red Sea with thunder. Sometimes, He just softens hearts. Aligns things quietly. And fights for us behind the scenes. 🥹

Stepping into CCI Yaba

Kemi came to pick us and off we went. I was nervous o. Like super anxious. But the moment I stepped in? Peace. Instantly.

I know I joke a lot but this one wasn’t joke-worthy. It was real. That anxiety? Gone. I felt seen. Welcomed. The ushers made me feel like the service would literally not happen if I didn’t show up 😭.

From the opening prayer, my heart knew—“You’re home.” The line that hit me was: “Lord, let me see You in service today.” I held on to that prayer like my life depended on it. Because spiritually? It kinda did.

The worship? So timely. The prayers? Needed. Everything? Just aligned.

The Word. My God.

The sermon was on “joy.” JOY. Me, the same girl who hadn’t smiled deeply in weeks. It was like God read my journal and built the entire service around my healing.

I kept thinking, “So this is how intentional You are? You love me this much?” 🥹

It wasn’t the kind of message that just excites you. It healed me. And reminded me that freedom isn’t a one-time moment. We grow into it. Daily.

Grace to grow.

I used to think that once I was free from addiction, everything else with God would just fall into place—like boom, instant spiritual maturity. I thank God for my special friend, Timmy 🥹. Last year, he nudged me (more like lovingly dragged me lol) to fast for 7 days, as led by Pastor Arome Osayi, specifically for freedom. And God came through. He really did.

But even after that… I realized freedom wasn’t the finish line. It was the starting point.

Because deliverance is beautiful, but it doesn’t replace discipleship. You still have to show up. Still have to grow. Still have to eat the Word daily and surrender—again and again.

That Sunday at CCI, it hit me like a wave: “Worthy, you’ve been born again for 5 years… but are you growing up in Christ?”

And it reminded me of Ephesians 4:15 —

“…speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

That verse. It wrecked me. Growth isn’t automatic. It’s intentional. And I knew I didn’t just want to be free—I wanted to be formed.

And how was I going to do that? By exercising my faith. By showing up, even when it felt easier to shrink back. By being planted in God’s house—rooted, not roaming. By leaning into a community that would water the seeds God had already sown in me.

Drawing joy from the wells of salvation, just like Isaiah 12:3 says. Because joy isn’t always loud—it’s deep, steady, and found when you stay.

A heart full of thanks 🥹

I’d like to end this entry on this note— Holy Spirit, thank You. For not giving up on me. For chasing me down with gentleness. For pulling me back with love that never runs out.

Thank you, Pastor Jaja, for being a voice of reminder—that God is not mad at me, He’s rejoicing over me.

Thank you, my sweet sweet Kemi, for being a vessel. For showing up. For obeying.

And thank you, CCI Yaba fam, for wrapping me in warmth the moment I walked in. For being home.

And Jesus… thank You for joy. The real kind. The one that dances even in silence.

So now, as a freshly baptized CCI baby 😭, I end this entry with full chest: in Christ, for Christ, with joy.

Love always,
Worthy